I spent a good 5 days in Hong Kong on a business trip and I am back today Aug 26. Just before i flew to Hong Kong on Sunday, I had a good talk to Nat my brother on Saturday about life. We talk over 2 jugs of beer and chat about everything under the sun. Ranging from relationship, to hurts, to work, to football, to women, to children.....
Those 5 days when i was in Hong Kong, I spent a fair bit of time praying and of course working and visiting places of interest as well.
On Sunday, I went to Tsim Sa Tsui. (TST), I was sitting at the peer looking at the beautiful peer and lights of Hong Kong. Sitting there alone, looking at couples enjoying a romantic evening together, listening to canton jazz and enjoying the view. I starting wondering why am i sitting here alone. I prayed for God's purpose in my life. I wondered if i have to go through all these loneliness so i can appreciate and care for people? Who will ever want someone like me who has two young children? Who will be willing to sacrifice their time to look after them? On top of that who will love me?
As i spent time analysing people, I noticed many things. Eg. Man - Does not really involve in looking after their young children. Women - Looks after their little ones. Man rather stare into the blank air than get involve with the children. That only lead to one conclusion - Poor IZ and Cake because they lose their mom at such a young age. They are stuck with a father who is hardly home. Even though he tried to compensate on weekends, he just felt he has not done enough. Looking for a lady to love them poised a greater challenge. How would one be willing to love them like her own is really a big question as she did not give birth to them, on top of it she will need my time and understanding too. Haiz.
Nevertheless, the Sunday was interesting. Sitting near the Hong Kong Art Museum, listening to local band perform their chinese love songs just put a knife through my heart. Why have i become so emotional?
Tuesday 23rd Aug, about 5am, i woke up crying bucket in my bed. I dreamt of Amy, the similar dream that i had sometime ago which she was so close to me. Had a conversation with me, telling me that she is healed and how she missed me and love me asking me lets go home together. I replied " I miss you very very much dear." But her respond was but i am sorry, i have to go. The parting scene was miserable. Very miserable. I have not thought of Amy for a while now but somehow, whenever i thought about her, it just gives me the comfort, the assurance that even though she died I know that there was once a girl who truthly love, appreciate and understands me, hardly argue, repecting me and never blame me even when i ever did wrong. Indeed Love is acceptance, commitment together, repect for each other, never imposing on each other and of course the Love for God and knowing who God is. For it is God ordinance for the man to be the spiritual head and to lead the women.
I will refuse to let loneliness overcometh me.
Today, 26 Aug, i came home looking at facebook and saw a youtube video. Bon Jovi sang Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. The beginning of the song talks about King David's Hallelujah which is broken after his fall with Bathsheba. Next the lyrics goes to describe Love which unites with God and a women a man loves and it is a full Hallelujah. It led me to think how a broken relationship can cause a broken Hallelujah. My conviction of wanting to see God's people praise our heavenly father has taken a beating. Have i been focusing too much on my own sadness and disappointments that now i sing a broken Hallelujah?
Indeed Man ultimate end is to glorify Jesus Christ my Lord. "For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen.
May Jesus restore upon me the full Hallelujah. :)
