Companionship

Companionship

I just came back from Indonesia. I was away from the 6th to the 9th Nov. 10 Nov 2012, my two minions decided to sleep with me in the room. As I prepare both of them to bed, Kate needed worship songs to be played before falling asleep. So after praying and letting the music play, they slowly fade into a peaceful night rest.

As I lay nearby looking at these two beautiful little ones, I felt so lonely. Started a conversation with the Lord, talking to him that eventhough, I have Him and the two children, sometimes the loneliness can be quite tormenting. Eventhough my prayer life have been better ever since Amy passed on and somehow praying in the Spirit helps getting me closer to God. Nevertheless, it is more like two way communication with the absence of vocal reply. I will not say that God don't answers me, but often time He answers by situation or by signs and situations that showing me that He heard my prayers.

I have decided to blog because this verse came after my little grumble to Abba. "Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him." Genesis 2:18 (NLT). As I am mediating on what the verse says, it is not good for man to be alone. There must be a reason why. As i think more about it, indeed, i see the picture. Man is bad social creature, whether he is a sweet talker, a serious fellow like me, a macho man, once he is alone, sadly it is no good. Ask yourself why beer sells well? Why KTV is so popular? Why affairs happen? Why man look for ladies or even other man? Why man prefers smoking and talking with guys who smokes?  I think i found the answer, the lack of companionship. There is so much saddness when guys are left alone but it seems only God knows. Boy, I really felt lonely, bottling up so much things ,praying and hoping God will send someone whom I can really confide in and share my life and willing to walk along side me without any condemnation and judgement.

As I look back, I thank God that Amy was someone who stand by me. Whether I am right or wrong, she will stand by her man, only gently correcting him but never condemning him. I think for a marriage to stand, this is an important factor. The guy will automatically reciprocate with love. This deeper love relationship will not come easy unless both the husband and wife choose to make a commitment to each other, communicate without condemnation and judgement. The husband role is to lead and guide, the wife role is to support. It is already God instituted and nothing can change it.

Therefore I believe the triune God knows it before the woman was created and says it in Genesis. It is not good for man to be alone. He needs a helper. (not a boyfriend, a mistress, a lady of the night, some drinking/smoking buddies, gangs or soccer buddies, beer...) in the end, it is the man's helper(a wife/companion). Frankly, i cannot agree with folks who think that man and woman need to live separate individual lives. If friends, work and personal activities is of higher importance than your partner then don't get married. I give my time to Amy in the past as well as to church and I am proud to say that I never regreted a single bit. I have her and she have me. I am not saying 100% together everywhere we go but we make a point to give time for each other. A simple maths calculation in a day will get one to understand. A individual spend avg. 6-8 hrs to sleep. You are left with about 16-18 hrs a day. Deduct work of 8-10 hrs, that leave one with 6-8 hrs. What do you do with this 6-8 hrs? With friends?, doing groceries?, looking after kids? helping kids with school work? Transport to and fro from work and home and vice virsa? I did not factor business trip or work function and even church activities. Just by sleeping next to each other at night and making love does not make a relationship grows, iron need to sharpen iron. So my simple maths will still be 1+1=1 or for the ultra religious, 1+1=3. I prefer the first equation as it is more human.

I do pray that Kate will grow up to be a lady like her mom and find a good man that is willing to sacrifice for her. And also Isaac will learn to find a wife and also be a good husband to his wife, loving her just as how Christ loves his church. (To be sacrificial to his partner and giving his all to her.)

Ok, got to sleep, going to church to praise my Lord tomorrow.

Shalom.


 

Oh You of little faith!

Oh! You of little faith

Hardly I read about Jesus's admonitions of his disciples other than His favorite "Oh, ye of little faith." Indeed as I recall the words of my Lord, I am also like the disciples. The disciples had seen the Lord, seen his miracles, walk with Him, talk with Him, eat with him... yet the Lord Jesus often say that they are of little faith. Having mentioned that, after the resurrection of Jesus, they are still without much faith and a typical example was Thomas. The Lord would have to show him His hands before he actually believe that Jesus had resurrected.

As I walk through my past years without my confidante Amy, having no one to really talk to and confide upon. (Parents just do not understand). The only way is upwards. To speak to the Lord, praying, crying out to him for comfort and help.

The Lord had been faithful but I am of little faith. Ever like the disciples. Nevertheless, in spite of my faithless, doubts, Abba had been faithful.

My journey with the Lord, the Holy Spirit had been very interesting. Ever since I have been meditating on the verse in Hebrew 4:11 "Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief"., I have seen the hand of God at work. Praying in the spirit for rest lest i fall into sin of unbelief (other version). My favorite verse which is 1 Peter 5:7 " Cast all your cares upon Him for He cares for you". It supports the verse in Hebrew 4:11 for if God the Father really cares then why should i toil. Matthew 11:28-30 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

Christ himself says that His yoke is light and learn of Him and he will give me rest.

I have been too stress to rest these couple of weeks but the Holy Spirit within me is hard at work reminding me of labouring into rest. I was basically worried about being lonely and not being able to find someone to walk with me for the remaining of my life. Secondly, i was worried about my work project. Timeline is tight. This is the 3rd company IT infrastructure setup that I have done within 2 years in my company.

Lo and behold, before going to church tomorrow, the Spirit of God prompted me and reminded me of God's faithfulness in the my life. So here am I blogging. As I blog, it reminded me of his faithfulness even though i am of little faith.

He has been faithful because of His Love for me. I Love because He first Love me. 1 John 4:19.
The spirit of God spoke to me that I don't have to fear that I do not have a partner. God will take care of it. Because of these words, i have been having peace for the past two months. I have been trying by taking too much initiative by talking to people, trying social media, chatting, researching on online matchmaking but in the end I find these things without peace. So praise be to the Holy Lamb of God on High, i decided to give up and rest. :)

In the words of the song by Bob Marley "No women no cry." Indeed. :) I have cried enough. :) So far two women made me cried. I shall not mentioned names but it is alright. I have gotten over both and enjoy my peace and not really waiting for the Lord for the Lord shall decide and I will just walk along.

As for work, all praise have to be given to God. My project in Vietnam both in Ho Chi Minh and Hanoi has never been more successful if God had not been the project manager. Remember the words of my uncle Samuel, he said 99.999% is never in our control and that 0.001% maybe is but still we need the Lord. Mind you, he is a black belt holder for six sigma. So much humility from a man who done so much major project.

Time and time again, i have been praying for the past 2 years for God's intervention in my project work. Timing and dateline has often been changed from my headquarter in Japan. Unforeseen circumstances like equipments delay that is beyond my controls to a foreign land is just not something i really enjoy. That is for Ho Chi Minh.

As for Hanoi, tight deadline from my Vietnam office management and I being the main project manager was even more challenging. I remembered that I was answering phone call and communicating to my colleague in Singapore when I was holidaying in Taiwan. My instructions was not followed in Vietnam and when I came back to Singapore after the trip, I have to clean up the mess. The setup was across Chinese New Year and the Vietnamese wants to enjoy their holiday so my vendors actually told me that they will be 10 days of no work and the deadline is 2 days after they come back to work. Should i say Hallelujah! Praise the Lord and they are going to disappear. I cannot say no and can only pray in the spirit and rest. How to rest? Can someone tell me? I just prayed and went by faith. My subordinate cannot rest and keeps worrying. Surprisingly, I did say Hallelujah and told my staff that don't worry everything will be fine. :) I can still remember that look on his face like, Duh! is this manager crazy or what? I have more faith in this living God than any human creature alive on the face of the earth. (Actually just that little faith....)
Indeed after the holiday, the vendor came back to office and fixed the issue and all was done. I look at my colleague and smile and says all is well. You can do closing now. And of course telling him that the solution was prayer. To GOD Be the Glory, great things he had done.

Now I am back to a even more challenging situation in Indonesia. A project with multiple vendors, multi facets issues and no main project coordinator. I am only a project lead for this but have to cover for the sub project manager who is my boss. :( Anyway, all being said, I had a good time of praising the Lord for the past two Sundays. One for praise and worship and a reminder the talk to the Rock just like Moses was told to speak to the Rock the second time when the Jews had no water to drink. Unfortunately, he did not and hit the rock. So my pastor was reminding us to speak to the Rock because the first time, the price had been paid when Jesus was hit, so Moses should not hit a second time. Last Sunday message was also about rest and a reminder to rest. So God is faithful when I am not. I just have to learn not to worry and put everything at Jesus's feet and rest.


All been said, I shall praise His Holy name, the name of Jesus which all kneels shall bow. And say a Big Thank You to Abba for what is the come, and most importantly the rest and peace which i so needed.

Shalom.





 

Waiting upon the Lord in Spirit and in Truth

I went back to serving the Lord after I stopped serving in the worship ministry when I left my previous church about 7 years ago. As I looked back at service in the church, it does bring about great joy and also sadness when self righteousness makes me judge fellow believers on "behalf" of God. Having served as a guitarist from young which all in all adds up to coming to 15 years in my previous church, no doubt one will be judgmental as why fellow believers do not worship our Father in Spirit and in Truth.

It is interesting how I did not notice that I had enter in depression when Amy left for home. Ironically I found that I am into depression only after I broke up with a friend. Somehow, I believe God has a plan for me. To make me a better person, to be someone who will entrust every single thing to Him. I believe the depression might be due to personal pride, self righteousness and also sadness due to the lost of two person I love so dearly. One is Amy, and the other, my dear friend Belinda due to breakup.

But, Abba is faithful. Always making sure that things turns out beautiful in His ways.

As the words of this song goes:

As I look back on the road I've travelled,
I see so many times He carried me through;
And if there's one thing that I've learned in my life,
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
Everything He has said He will do,
And every morning His mercies are new.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My heart rejoices when I read the promise
'There is a place I am preparing for you.'
I know someday I'll see my Lord face to face,
'Cause my Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
And in every situation He has proved His love to me;
When I lack the understanding, He gives more grace to me.
 (Words and Lyrics of James Isaac Elliott & Steven Curtis Chapman)

Indeed God's Grace is so wonderful. Along the way, I have hurted my parents and also Belinda and I am sure I have let Amy down from above. All I've got is just those sincere words of " I am very sorry." and let God do the rest.

Nevertheless, God is not done with me, having brought me to a cell group which I can serve Him. There is just so much in terms of the Holy Spirit hand in it. I guess, I can be of use after all. :) Anyway, I have always counted it a privilege to be used by Him.

About a three months after my break up, I prayed for God's mercy and grace. To keep me sane. To help me find a cell group so that I can make more friends and extend my network so that hopefully, I can find a confidante again. But this is a wrong intention and a wrong prayer because I know deep in my heart, it is not what a cell group is for. I went to a singles cells "hoping" but I did not have peace until during the worship time. The guitarist guitar was out of tune, worship was delayed for a while until another backup guitarist came. It was during this time, the spirit of God moved in my heart to want to serve Him again but I do not want to "steal" the limelight, it is just not me. So I prayed, telling Abba that I am wrong to be looking for love in CG. I have decided to leave for another CG nearer my place.

Before I visited the CG, I prayed again. Telling God that I am going to give up personal agenda for His agenda. Help me stand up again. I want to serve Him again. So I went and surprisingly, there is no guitarist in the cell. I have decided to confirm after my second time. And during my second visit, I approached the worship leader to volunteer my service to the Lord. He was so happy and also my cell leader came and affirm that somehow during prayer time, the Spirit of God wanted Him to approach me, not knowing that I can avail myself.

Finally, I played in the cell on the 1 of Jun. During the practice, the worship leader told me that the cell group leader had been praying for a musician to come to the cell and Wahla! God send them a broken vessel. :)

We had a good time a worshipping in the spirit, singing praises to our Abba without any pre arrangement. Having serve the Lord for so many years, never do I see such pure praises. Such fragrance lifting our voices to Him. Indeed God had shown me with the little I give, He will multiply. Just like the small boy with the 5 loaves and 2 fish. Having experienced playing in from of more than 5000 people last time, there is no greater honor than to see the true praise and worship in small group. I have not experience such kind of joy in my entire life before.

I took something out of the meeting that day as well when the cell leader shared about restoration. And how more apt when he shared about Job. In the last chapter of Job in 42:10 -  After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. Job was a self righteous man, faithful no doubt he was, God has a plan. Once Job stopped focusing on himself, God will take over and blessings shall come.

I will pray for my friends, and continue to let the goodness of God flows through me and will stop thinking about myself and my lost. I will rest and He will do the rest.

Thank You Jesus and Holy Spirit for your Grace and Guidance.

Amen

Righteousness

Righteousness

Romans 1 - Talks about sins of man.
Romans 2 - Talks about God's judgment
Romans 3 - Talks about sin and no one righteous. For all have sin. Vs 11 and Vs 23.
Romans 4 - Righteous is from God. Vs 3 Abraham believed God and was accounted to him      righteousness. Cross reference to Gen 15:6. Vs 23-24. Righteousness was imputed by God to Abraham who believes in Him(FAITH) who raised Jesus. Cross reference to Isaiah 54:7. Righteousness if from God.
Romans 5 - Talks about Righteousness is Jesus. Vs 17. Jesus is the gift of righteousness. Cross reference to 1 Corintians 1:30.
Romans 6 & 7 - Talks about the power of sin which is the law and also the power to overcome sin. 6vs 14. That sin has no dominion over believers.
Romans 8 - Talks about the flesh and the sprit. Living by the Spirit is free from indwelling sin. Vs 6 talks about being spritually minded vs carnally minded and the rewards is Life & Peace. Vs 26 also talks about the spirit will help in our weakness.

Justification? Sanctifications? Living in Righteousness? Living a Holiness? Having a victorious life? Having Happy christian life? Being right with God? The answers are above.

So stop judging, stop condemnation, stop trying to be holy and to let the spirit takes control over the flesh, pursue Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour. For indeed He is worthy to be praised.

Shalom.

Mount Zion Vs Mount Senai who cares? I Do

Just thought i pen this down for the sake of doctrine. My pastor had been preaching about the differences of the two mountains. I do hope to do another Isreal trip with IZ and Cake, but it all lies in the hand of the Almighty. If my time is up then too bad!

Read Hebrews 12:18-22
Both mountains has it similarity. Both mountain experience Pentacost. But during Pentacost, both mountain experiences different outcome. For Mt. Senai, in Exodus 19:16-18. The jews stood at the foot of the mountain when they spoke of the works of man. God gave the law and 3000 people died. In Acts 2:1-2 for Mt. Zion. The jews went to the house on top of the mountain and went to the upper room of the house. They spoke of the works of God. 3000 men were blessed.

Doctrinally, the law kills but grace gives life. So love more and judge less. For Jesus did not come to save the righteous but to make the sinners righteous.

Peace.