Relationship

I had a good chat with a sister who was a ex colleague on chat. She was just sharing about how people take relationship so lightly. She recently just ended her own relationship. She was sharing to me about her friend who got involved in someone elses family. Her friend became a boyfriend to a married women who has a 10 year old daughter. He is not the only boyfriend to this woman, apparently she has about this promicious lifestyle eventhough she has a loving husband who keeps forgiving her. A friend of mine has a unfaithful husband but she is a good lady which is the exact opposite. I spoke to this sister and find that it is so ironic. Wrong person with wrong partner. I come to think about my own relationship with Amy.

During courtship, it seems to be like a one sided affair with me doing alot of things to please her but always getting hurt. She is the smarter one, she spend her time studying. I spend my time dreaming,thinking of how to make her happy so that by doing them, she will be appreciate and accept me. But it did not happen. In fact it affected my whole life. My school work, my life revolve around her. As i grow older, i starts to wonder if it is all worthwhile. You must be wondering how long is this courtship and relationship lasted.

10 years of friendship, 7 years of courtship and 5 years of marriage. At least it landed up in marriage. Thank God, this love is not wasted. I am not saying that one sided love affair is no good but it can be painful, stressful and even miserable. One missed smses or period of silence means she don't love me. She got other guys..... , i am second priority. (Thank God all these only happen during the 10 years of my friendship and a couple of years during courtship.) After that she loves me with all her heart. Through it all, i know God's purpose for me, which is to walk with her through her struggles and her battle with cancer. To be faithful and committed to her through good times and bad. Not all relationship will end well like until death do us part.

This is something that i learn. Someone once told me, if a women loves a man, she will do anything for him, no matter how bad he is, she will stick by him, even to the extend of getting abuse. It is not all without truth, often times we read in newspaper too. But if the women does not love the man, no matter what he does, even if he dies for her, she will take it lightly. So for Kate, if someone loves you silly, please appreciate him. But if you don't like him, please let him know early and don't waste the poor boy's time, effort and love.

I guess i should remember the above if i do start a new relationship. Not to be the one keep sacrificing and in the end, in the words of the song from Linkin Park, it doesn't really matters to the person.

May God showers his grace as i continue to pray for you (Isaac) and you (Kate) for your spouses in future to be like your crazy father who loves your mother deeply and vice virsa. Do also understand that is a priviledge to be loved by someone and not take the person for granted. :)

Kate

I grew up learning and understanding marriage was a commitment between both a man and a woman. For God created a helper for Adam. Storybooks talks about a prince charming came and rescue a princess and they live happily ever after. Even Shrek gets Fiona. But things are not always happily ever after. Having been commited to a girl most part of my life, growing up with her, courted her, married her and started a family and seeing her die in my arms seems like being in a dream to a nightmare. Having my two young kids with me has prevented me from wanting to start a new relationship as reality speaks for itself. Many well meaning friends encourage me to do it. This issue has been always in my mind even before Amy passed on, as I do not want to live my life all alone. Nevertheless, it was a life of singlehood i chose. For a man, there are alot of struggle, even more struggle with Christianity as a faith. The fear of looking and then lusting at other woman who might be some other people's wife. Pastor says that is adultery. The fear of rejection, who wants a man who comes with a package. There are many more fears. So for easy way out singlehood is my choice. Prayer to ask God to take away sexual desire helps and he did it. The mind does not lust. Seems like i lost my mojo. Hahahahah.
Kate, my lovely daughter and as described by someone as a girl that break many guys hearts. Just as how she broke my heart so often time, rejecting me as a father and rather look for her grandfather. All because, i had to look after her mum when the most important time of her life had been given to the care of the grandfather. Nevertheless, i still love her so. About a months ago, while she was playing in a restuarant, another girl asked her where her mummy was. She was struckdumb. I was struckdumb and i am hit by a question on my choice of singlehood.
The usual respond for me is always to pray when i do not know what to do. That night i kneeled and i pray, i cried and ask God to help. Somehow, God's healing will come, often time we want it to be instantanous. But having grown maturely quite a bit, i take it slow.
I attended a colleague's wedding even though i only knew him for a week, he invited me. I was in my own shell ever since i left my old church to the present church. But the wedding reception was good. It reminded me of my own but i chose not to remember as my helper is gone. I came to know a sister and also a fellow colleague that came and sit besides me during the reception.
I knew she is a sister because she cups her hand and says grace before meal. I hardly even do it. What a lousy christian i am. :) We just happen to talk about beaches and i shared about diving.
She asked me about prestine beaches but i cannot show her pictures to explain. But i am glad to have a pretty and cheerful lady sit besides me. (No other thoughts)
My struggle is finding a mother for my little girl and apparently it still is. I cannot bring her to a ladies toliet without my mum's help, so bringing them out alone is really a big challenge. People mistake my young looking mother as her mother. I face stares by people looking at me buying children clothings worst when i buy for my own daughter. People stare at me when i am alone with my two kids. I guess because i am a man as much i wish to be a good father and mother to my kids or is it that man are just useless that is why we need a women and a helper.
Praise be to God for the past few days, where some prestine beaches picture brought a encourager, a friend and hopefully a confidente into my life. It brought about an interesting end to the year of 2010. It is a struggle for her as well as she has her own challenges but as least we are in similar situation and can understand, pray and lookout for each other. Thus it brought about a more interesting start to the year of 2011.