I went back to serving the Lord after I stopped serving in the worship ministry when I left my previous church about 7 years ago. As I looked back at service in the church, it does bring about great joy and also sadness when self righteousness makes me judge fellow believers on "behalf" of God. Having served as a guitarist from young which all in all adds up to coming to 15 years in my previous church, no doubt one will be judgmental as why fellow believers do not worship our Father in Spirit and in Truth.
It is interesting how I did not notice that I had enter in depression when Amy left for home. Ironically I found that I am into depression only after I broke up with a friend. Somehow, I believe God has a plan for me. To make me a better person, to be someone who will entrust every single thing to Him. I believe the depression might be due to personal pride, self righteousness and also sadness due to the lost of two person I love so dearly. One is Amy, and the other, my dear friend Belinda due to breakup.
But, Abba is faithful. Always making sure that things turns out beautiful in His ways.
As the words of this song goes:
As I look back on the road I've travelled,
I see so many times He carried me through;
And if there's one thing that I've learned in my life,
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
Everything He has said He will do,
And every morning His mercies are new.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My heart rejoices when I read the promise
'There is a place I am preparing for you.'
I know someday I'll see my Lord face to face,
'Cause my Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
And in every situation He has proved His love to me;
When I lack the understanding, He gives more grace to me.
(Words and Lyrics of James Isaac Elliott & Steven Curtis Chapman)
Indeed God's Grace is so wonderful. Along the way, I have hurted my parents and also Belinda and I am sure I have let Amy down from above. All I've got is just those sincere words of " I am very sorry." and let God do the rest.
Nevertheless, God is not done with me, having brought me to a cell group which I can serve Him. There is just so much in terms of the Holy Spirit hand in it. I guess, I can be of use after all. :) Anyway, I have always counted it a privilege to be used by Him.
About a three months after my break up, I prayed for God's mercy and grace. To keep me sane. To help me find a cell group so that I can make more friends and extend my network so that hopefully, I can find a confidante again. But this is a wrong intention and a wrong prayer because I know deep in my heart, it is not what a cell group is for. I went to a singles cells "hoping" but I did not have peace until during the worship time. The guitarist guitar was out of tune, worship was delayed for a while until another backup guitarist came. It was during this time, the spirit of God moved in my heart to want to serve Him again but I do not want to "steal" the limelight, it is just not me. So I prayed, telling Abba that I am wrong to be looking for love in CG. I have decided to leave for another CG nearer my place.
Before I visited the CG, I prayed again. Telling God that I am going to give up personal agenda for His agenda. Help me stand up again. I want to serve Him again. So I went and surprisingly, there is no guitarist in the cell. I have decided to confirm after my second time. And during my second visit, I approached the worship leader to volunteer my service to the Lord. He was so happy and also my cell leader came and affirm that somehow during prayer time, the Spirit of God wanted Him to approach me, not knowing that I can avail myself.
Finally, I played in the cell on the 1 of Jun. During the practice, the worship leader told me that the cell group leader had been praying for a musician to come to the cell and Wahla! God send them a broken vessel. :)
We had a good time a worshipping in the spirit, singing praises to our Abba without any pre arrangement. Having serve the Lord for so many years, never do I see such pure praises. Such fragrance lifting our voices to Him. Indeed God had shown me with the little I give, He will multiply. Just like the small boy with the 5 loaves and 2 fish. Having experienced playing in from of more than 5000 people last time, there is no greater honor than to see the true praise and worship in small group. I have not experience such kind of joy in my entire life before.
I took something out of the meeting that day as well when the cell leader shared about restoration. And how more apt when he shared about Job. In the last chapter of Job in 42:10 - After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. Job was a self righteous man, faithful no doubt he was, God has a plan. Once Job stopped focusing on himself, God will take over and blessings shall come.
I will pray for my friends, and continue to let the goodness of God flows through me and will stop thinking about myself and my lost. I will rest and He will do the rest.
Thank You Jesus and Holy Spirit for your Grace and Guidance.
Amen
It is interesting how I did not notice that I had enter in depression when Amy left for home. Ironically I found that I am into depression only after I broke up with a friend. Somehow, I believe God has a plan for me. To make me a better person, to be someone who will entrust every single thing to Him. I believe the depression might be due to personal pride, self righteousness and also sadness due to the lost of two person I love so dearly. One is Amy, and the other, my dear friend Belinda due to breakup.
But, Abba is faithful. Always making sure that things turns out beautiful in His ways.
As the words of this song goes:
As I look back on the road I've travelled,
I see so many times He carried me through;
And if there's one thing that I've learned in my life,
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
Everything He has said He will do,
And every morning His mercies are new.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My heart rejoices when I read the promise
'There is a place I am preparing for you.'
I know someday I'll see my Lord face to face,
'Cause my Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
And in every situation He has proved His love to me;
When I lack the understanding, He gives more grace to me.
(Words and Lyrics of James Isaac Elliott & Steven Curtis Chapman)
Indeed God's Grace is so wonderful. Along the way, I have hurted my parents and also Belinda and I am sure I have let Amy down from above. All I've got is just those sincere words of " I am very sorry." and let God do the rest.
Nevertheless, God is not done with me, having brought me to a cell group which I can serve Him. There is just so much in terms of the Holy Spirit hand in it. I guess, I can be of use after all. :) Anyway, I have always counted it a privilege to be used by Him.
About a three months after my break up, I prayed for God's mercy and grace. To keep me sane. To help me find a cell group so that I can make more friends and extend my network so that hopefully, I can find a confidante again. But this is a wrong intention and a wrong prayer because I know deep in my heart, it is not what a cell group is for. I went to a singles cells "hoping" but I did not have peace until during the worship time. The guitarist guitar was out of tune, worship was delayed for a while until another backup guitarist came. It was during this time, the spirit of God moved in my heart to want to serve Him again but I do not want to "steal" the limelight, it is just not me. So I prayed, telling Abba that I am wrong to be looking for love in CG. I have decided to leave for another CG nearer my place.
Before I visited the CG, I prayed again. Telling God that I am going to give up personal agenda for His agenda. Help me stand up again. I want to serve Him again. So I went and surprisingly, there is no guitarist in the cell. I have decided to confirm after my second time. And during my second visit, I approached the worship leader to volunteer my service to the Lord. He was so happy and also my cell leader came and affirm that somehow during prayer time, the Spirit of God wanted Him to approach me, not knowing that I can avail myself.
Finally, I played in the cell on the 1 of Jun. During the practice, the worship leader told me that the cell group leader had been praying for a musician to come to the cell and Wahla! God send them a broken vessel. :)
We had a good time a worshipping in the spirit, singing praises to our Abba without any pre arrangement. Having serve the Lord for so many years, never do I see such pure praises. Such fragrance lifting our voices to Him. Indeed God had shown me with the little I give, He will multiply. Just like the small boy with the 5 loaves and 2 fish. Having experienced playing in from of more than 5000 people last time, there is no greater honor than to see the true praise and worship in small group. I have not experience such kind of joy in my entire life before.
I took something out of the meeting that day as well when the cell leader shared about restoration. And how more apt when he shared about Job. In the last chapter of Job in 42:10 - After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. Job was a self righteous man, faithful no doubt he was, God has a plan. Once Job stopped focusing on himself, God will take over and blessings shall come.
I will pray for my friends, and continue to let the goodness of God flows through me and will stop thinking about myself and my lost. I will rest and He will do the rest.
Thank You Jesus and Holy Spirit for your Grace and Guidance.
Amen
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