It is 22 of Nov 2009. Six years ago, I was joined together in holy matrimony. This year, i am spending it alone. Initially, I wanted to go and visit her niche but I decided not to. I decided to see her photo that is kept in my room instead. It is filled with a mixed emotion. The feeling of lost but yet joyful that she is with the Lord. Thank God for today's worship service at New Creation Church where the words of the praise song - Today is the day by Lincoln Brewster ministered to me. How i should look to Jesus. Indeed, words cannot express my pain and loss to see Amy going off so early. Thought of wondering if this is a punishment from God keeps surfacing from the evil one. But the bible is full of grace and love. If one chooses to abuse myself with self inflicted condemnation, that is an individual choice to make.But i chose to love a loving Abba. The message in church today seems to be a confirmation about what God wants to remind me and it is from Romans 8.
The love of God can be express in the simple 3 words. I Love You. Ironically, it seems the more i misses Amy, the more I come to love my God,the one that let his Son dies for me. It is the fundamental of my faith. I told my mom today in church that if theologians or pastors does not like Romans 8 then go back to the gospel of John 3:17 onwards. Christ Jesus did not die to condemn but give life. Words of condemnation can be dangerous, more so coming from the pulpit. Confusion arises when one says that God is love but maybe after all my wife died. But HE knows that she will die, will He not? But what happens after that? If Christ did not die then it will be a straight forward answer. We die and die eternally. Period. Is this not love? -John 3:16. At least I know where she is and I will still get to see her in future. Up there in heaven. 1 day is like a thousands years to God, in her realm, i will be up there sooner than later. Thank God my church does not preach condemnation. Hallelujah!
Today in church, i saw a vision when i was praising God with my hands open wide. I saw Amy doing the same thing over the other side. It was a beautiful sight. I whispered, i will join you soon after my responsibility is done on earth and we will praise together.
The Holy Spirit has been my peace. Sometimes i wondered if my mind is still being used since the inner being seems to take more control nowadays.
Shalom
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