Marriage

Two days ago, my pastor was continuing the series on wisdom from the bible during Sunday service. As we all know, there is only one exceeding wise person in the bible and his name is King Solomon. Even though he is wise, he still falls and his kingdom collapses because the source of wisdom had been cut away when his greatest mistake is his wives. 1 Kings 11.1-13. As my pastor mentioned about the relationship of husbands and wives, I was reminded of my own relationship and my parents relationship.

The message of how the woman folks have such great influences in a man's life. He mentioned Genesis where God put Adam to sleep so that he can create a helper. Eve. He also mentioned that how come Adam did not eat from the tree of life? Genesis 2:9 there are two tree one was tree of life and the other tree of the knowledge of good and evil. How come the serpeant choses to tempt Eve and not Adam? My pastor thinks that because woman is someone whom God creates to influence and to help man.

Indeed even though Amy live a short live but her influence as a wife to me had made a lot of character changes to my own life. The actions and things she do affects my everyday life and the adoption of her ways she deals with the children is indeed wise and I miss her so.

I live by bibical principle in marriage and it is basically summed up here. Love your wife as Christ loved the church. Give yourself up for your wife. [Ephesians 5:25]

There are also other wise advice in the bible
1) Love your wife in the same way you love your body and yourself. [Ephesians 5:28-33]
2) Be considerate as you live with your wife....[I Peter 3:7]
3) Do not be harsh with your wife. [Colossians 3:19]
4) Your body belongs to your wife. [I Corinthians 7:3-5]
5) Do not be captivated by other women [Proverbs 5:20]
6) Praise your wife. [Proverbs 31:28-29]
7) Honor your marriage; keep it pure by remaining true to your wife in every way [Heb 13:4]
8) Be thankful for your wife and realize the favor you have received from God. [Prov 18:22]
9) Be "one flesh" with your wife in every way. [Matthew 19:5]

Even though I have given some words of wisdom from the bible, it is sad to know that many still fall and that includes myself. Although I appreciate her when she is still living, it is until she is gone that I appreciate her even more.

It seems very one sided but there is something that Amy did that I receprocrate the above and that is Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body , of which he is the Savior. [Ephesians 5:22-23]

I never appreciate irreconsiderable differences, for it is either man's faults or the women faults. But it seems there are more work required on the man's side.

You will not appreciate anything until you lose it.

In the Sweet By and By

This week had been eventful. A week which somehow led to quite a bit of tears. So many things just happened in a week and how things just went by in a flash. My boss was in town and I had to help her settle into to office as she will be here for quite a while. My file server went down and managed to fixed it yesterday evening until quite late in the evening. Felt guilty for neglecting the kids. When I reached home, the kids are already sound asleep.

During the middle of the week, my mother in law fell down twice when she came over to my place to visit the children. Somehow, I felt very bad as I promised Amy to look after her. To make things worst, my mum told me that she fell because she wanted to buy some stuff for the children. Thank God nothing serious happened other than couple of bruises.

The reason for mentioning my boss that is in town is because during the general staff meeting, she read a letter that my company founder wrote to a dear friend who is dying. She mentioned that eventhough they will soon be separated by separate realm there are others who will meet him over there by the shore. After that she mentioned about me and my colleague who lost her husband exactly one month after Amy passed on. The letter hit me quite badly. It is because of the word "Shore". During the week, i was clearing up some books which belongs to Amy and in her bible there is song sheet, of a hymn by Sanford F Bennett and music by Joseph P Webster. The hymn was written in 1868. I remembered singing this hymn together with Amy sometime ago. The chorus of the lyrics goes like this " In the sweet by and by, We shall meet on that beautiful shore; In the sweet by and by, We shall meet on that beautiful shore. Amy's voice suddenly came to my mind and the image of then when she was crying in my arm.... saying "Dear I will meet you there at that beautiful shore."Just made me sad. I know it is not possible for the dead to communicate and this is only memories. But I remembered praying that when my time comes, I hope that Amy will be with Jesus to welcome me home.

Watching the Korean tv drama serial "Daughter In Law" also brought back so many beautiful memories of my courtship days and the honeymoon years of marriage life with Amy. I will definitely share to Isaac & Kate when they are older.

It hasn't been easy trying to juggle my role as a servant of God, a father, a son, a son in law, a mother as well as a husband who had lost his wife. Sometimes I wish to give up but seeing these two little "mushroom heads" whose so often brought joy to my life just makes me have that energy to spur on.

Having thought about Amy and how she faces death really worries me. I am not ready. Moreover with cancer which may drag on the time of meeting your creator. I salute you my dear wifey for your bravery. I believed this verse had helped her in her journey. " For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a strong mind."2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)

I salute you Amy!

Moving On

It had passed 2 months now since Amy's home calling. It is tough struggling without someone who is so much of a help, emotionally, spiritually, physically and also financially. I am very happy that both Kate and Isaac are sleeping with me in the same room at night for the past week. It helps remove my loneliness at night when i have to go back home after work to an empty bed.

It is wonderful that I can fulfill my responsibilities as a steward as God blessed me with these two lovely children. It is not easy to get Kate to come sleep in my room as she had been sleeping with her grandparents ever since Amy had been diagnosed with cancer. Amy had a port-a-cath near her collar bone which can be painful if knocked upon.

I will try to leave office on time as i believe I have my parental obligation to fulfill since i have given 8 hours of the best part of the day for ministry and for those people who are jealous or who has a mental block up there, go get a life! I am guggling with 2 ministries. I am a single father here!

I have been doing the basic things once I get home from work. Bathe them everyday, plays with them, read with them, feed them and put them to bed at 9pm. Weekend will be family time. I am sure Amy will be proud of me up there. :) I am slowly learning to become a better father and mother by the day.

Kate and Isaac have been missing their mother in recent days. Asking me for mummy. Papa is feeling more painful but as often as not, I holds back the emotion. Isaac looked up to the sky when grandma mentioned about heaven. He remarked " I did not see mummy, where is mummy?" grandma was crying when she told me that. Kate just asked me yesterday "Is mummy in a box? Can papa please bring mummy out?" I just divert those questions away by distracting her.

Jesus Christ had been my strength and hope these two months. Thank you Lord! Thank you for showing me that You are in control. Thank you for saving a classmate soul and that he is now a faithful follower and I am so glad to meet up with him. Thank you for answering my prayers for my children. Thank you most of all for filling the void in my heart. Love you!

P.S I Love You

Ever since Amy had passed on, so many well meaning friends & family members had planned activities so that I keep myself occupied. Today is no exception. I had a busy day. Starting with a morning soccer game with church friends and followed by a time by the beach in Sentosa with the children and some friends.

I never felt so many memories of her coming back to me in a single day after she passed on. Today i am hit pretty bad. Never had i cry so much for the pass 2 weeks. It all started building up from Sentosa when a friend Alice was tasked by Amy to tell me sometime. I questioned Amy about it before and she said I will know when the time comes.

Alice passed me a DVD called P.S I Love You. Those are the words she wanted to tell me. I was not thinking about it until i tried to go to bed. That is how i function with Amy, thinking through the day's event, talk about things, pray and fall asleep. Ouch! I missed those times.

The day in Sentosa ended with my driving the kids and the friends home. One of the friend stays in Dover Road. This is where Amy used to stay during our courtship. Memories came back to me from the time i stupidly wait at one of the bus stop which Amy used to alight and change to the bus 196 to go home. Waiting at the bus stop just to see her and say good bye makes me so happy. Passing by the old road which brings back so much memories, i tried not to think about it.

The pain came after i got home. When I opened the letter that Alice wrote on behalf of Amy and mentioned that the title spoke the words that Amy wanted to tell me. Thoughts of her in the hospital not having to express those words out to me makes me super painful and miserable.

I never felt so miserable and painful since her passing on. I never cried so much in my entire life.

Somehow my favorite verse came to mind. 1 Peter 5:7. I cannot do anything else except casting my cares upon him.

I Love you Amy.

She had gone to be with the Lord

Yesterday July 13 2009(Mon) at 10.01 pm. My beloved Amy had gone home to be with Jesus. Amy wanted to admit into the hospital to have the fluid in her abdominal area removed after being advised by the hospice doctor. She asked her brother to help admit her into the hospital on the 7th (Tues) On Wednesday according to her brother, Amy mentioned that she wanted to go to heaven and do not want to go home anymore. This was before the procedure which she will be undergoing. The procedure went through smoothly and about 5 litres of fluid was removed across 2 days. On Thursday, the doctor wanted to discharge her on Friday but she wanted to stay longer, stating that she wanted more rest. But her intention was to give my mum and myself more rest. "Oh Amy! the more i think back about this the more heartache i feel." She could not sleep well on Friday so the doctor decided to give her some sleeping pills to ease her nausea and lack of sleep. She managed to sleep through until Sunday. The nurse felt that something is not right and decided to check on her and found blood in the stool as well as her inability to pass urine. The nurse are unable to put the drip into her to give her fluid. So they mentioned that it will be best to get the family together to see her for the last time. Come Monday, she passed away peaceful in the sleep at 10.01pm.

Prayers answered -
1) Ablility to celebrate Isaac 4th Birthday.
2) To go back to the Lord without pain.
3) To Be able to bid everyone goodbye.

Praise be to our Lord Jesus for his grace and mercy. (My heart is still very painful because i miss Amy very very very much) I love you Amy.

Have Not Been Blogging for a while

Yes. I have not been blogging. Interestingly, I never liked blogging but I felt there are so much thought about this faith of mine that I felt very strongly to blog so that my 2 children will see how their father struggles with questions of the faith. I wanted also to put down important doctrines which i find so often time not dealt with in the church and my thoughts and reading from this beautiful book the bible.

Enough said. Amy is not getting any better. Her stomach area is so indented that she looks like she is six months pregnant. How i wish it is but it is not. Her liver had caused the stomach area to ballooned.

She seems prepared to go back home to Abba, but I am not prepared to let her go. Two Fridays ago, she mentioned that she heard a voice saying " Are you ready to go home?" I came out from the bath looking at her. Her eyes were huge and scary like she saw something evil. I notified her sisters thinking that her time is up, Unfortunately it is not (Heaven is definitely a more beautiful place), pardon me, i am wishing her to go but seeing her suffer is more miserable for me.

Her condition had gotten worst and she is not able to clean herself much and her reliance on her morphine is every 4 hourly. Yes even at night.I have to wake up to feed her. I have to help bathe her and also clean her after she is done with her toilet business. (I am not complaining) in fact i think these actions are to show her that I love her very much. Hopefully she sense it. :)

3 days ago, I heard a voice in the bath room when i was bathing. " Bath and clean yourself, pray in the spirit and after bathing, go lay your hands on her, pray in the spirit and be positive." I have been doing just that for the past 3 days.

I am still believing him to heal Amy.

Revelation about Judgement

I was brought to attention of 2 Corinthians 5:10 "For we must appear before the judgement seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body,according to what he has done, whether good or bad. "

I do hope that it will not be interpreted with trying to do good so that we will not be punished by God. If the context is interpreted correctly it should be talking about the Jesus redemptive grace.

Chapter 5:1-10 is about the fresh, our body, the old self(Law). From 16-21 is talking about Jesus love for us. We are made righteous(Grace)

There is definitely judgement but judgement for non-christian and Christians are different. For salvation is not by works. God don't need us to be good to please him. The day which the robbers died beside Jesus shows judgement. Both are judged. Tell me which do u prefer?

I am not saying that we can carry on doing bad stuff but if we become true Christians, the holy spirit will take over. You need not worry.

Romans 8:13 states - "For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live."
8:16 states - " The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.

So 1 Corinthians 2:9-10 states: "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The Things which God has prepared for those who love Him." But God has revealed them to us through His Spirit. For the Spirit searches all things, yes the deep things of God.

Judgement do not stand but Grace will. It shows very much why people fear death.