Waiting upon the Lord in Spirit and in Truth

I went back to serving the Lord after I stopped serving in the worship ministry when I left my previous church about 7 years ago. As I looked back at service in the church, it does bring about great joy and also sadness when self righteousness makes me judge fellow believers on "behalf" of God. Having served as a guitarist from young which all in all adds up to coming to 15 years in my previous church, no doubt one will be judgmental as why fellow believers do not worship our Father in Spirit and in Truth.

It is interesting how I did not notice that I had enter in depression when Amy left for home. Ironically I found that I am into depression only after I broke up with a friend. Somehow, I believe God has a plan for me. To make me a better person, to be someone who will entrust every single thing to Him. I believe the depression might be due to personal pride, self righteousness and also sadness due to the lost of two person I love so dearly. One is Amy, and the other, my dear friend Belinda due to breakup.

But, Abba is faithful. Always making sure that things turns out beautiful in His ways.

As the words of this song goes:

As I look back on the road I've travelled,
I see so many times He carried me through;
And if there's one thing that I've learned in my life,
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
Everything He has said He will do,
And every morning His mercies are new.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
My heart rejoices when I read the promise
'There is a place I am preparing for you.'
I know someday I'll see my Lord face to face,
'Cause my Redeemer is faithful and true.
My Redeemer is faithful and true.
And in every situation He has proved His love to me;
When I lack the understanding, He gives more grace to me.
 (Words and Lyrics of James Isaac Elliott & Steven Curtis Chapman)

Indeed God's Grace is so wonderful. Along the way, I have hurted my parents and also Belinda and I am sure I have let Amy down from above. All I've got is just those sincere words of " I am very sorry." and let God do the rest.

Nevertheless, God is not done with me, having brought me to a cell group which I can serve Him. There is just so much in terms of the Holy Spirit hand in it. I guess, I can be of use after all. :) Anyway, I have always counted it a privilege to be used by Him.

About a three months after my break up, I prayed for God's mercy and grace. To keep me sane. To help me find a cell group so that I can make more friends and extend my network so that hopefully, I can find a confidante again. But this is a wrong intention and a wrong prayer because I know deep in my heart, it is not what a cell group is for. I went to a singles cells "hoping" but I did not have peace until during the worship time. The guitarist guitar was out of tune, worship was delayed for a while until another backup guitarist came. It was during this time, the spirit of God moved in my heart to want to serve Him again but I do not want to "steal" the limelight, it is just not me. So I prayed, telling Abba that I am wrong to be looking for love in CG. I have decided to leave for another CG nearer my place.

Before I visited the CG, I prayed again. Telling God that I am going to give up personal agenda for His agenda. Help me stand up again. I want to serve Him again. So I went and surprisingly, there is no guitarist in the cell. I have decided to confirm after my second time. And during my second visit, I approached the worship leader to volunteer my service to the Lord. He was so happy and also my cell leader came and affirm that somehow during prayer time, the Spirit of God wanted Him to approach me, not knowing that I can avail myself.

Finally, I played in the cell on the 1 of Jun. During the practice, the worship leader told me that the cell group leader had been praying for a musician to come to the cell and Wahla! God send them a broken vessel. :)

We had a good time a worshipping in the spirit, singing praises to our Abba without any pre arrangement. Having serve the Lord for so many years, never do I see such pure praises. Such fragrance lifting our voices to Him. Indeed God had shown me with the little I give, He will multiply. Just like the small boy with the 5 loaves and 2 fish. Having experienced playing in from of more than 5000 people last time, there is no greater honor than to see the true praise and worship in small group. I have not experience such kind of joy in my entire life before.

I took something out of the meeting that day as well when the cell leader shared about restoration. And how more apt when he shared about Job. In the last chapter of Job in 42:10 -  After Job had prayed for his friends, the Lord restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. Job was a self righteous man, faithful no doubt he was, God has a plan. Once Job stopped focusing on himself, God will take over and blessings shall come.

I will pray for my friends, and continue to let the goodness of God flows through me and will stop thinking about myself and my lost. I will rest and He will do the rest.

Thank You Jesus and Holy Spirit for your Grace and Guidance.

Amen

Righteousness

Righteousness

Romans 1 - Talks about sins of man.
Romans 2 - Talks about God's judgment
Romans 3 - Talks about sin and no one righteous. For all have sin. Vs 11 and Vs 23.
Romans 4 - Righteous is from God. Vs 3 Abraham believed God and was accounted to him      righteousness. Cross reference to Gen 15:6. Vs 23-24. Righteousness was imputed by God to Abraham who believes in Him(FAITH) who raised Jesus. Cross reference to Isaiah 54:7. Righteousness if from God.
Romans 5 - Talks about Righteousness is Jesus. Vs 17. Jesus is the gift of righteousness. Cross reference to 1 Corintians 1:30.
Romans 6 & 7 - Talks about the power of sin which is the law and also the power to overcome sin. 6vs 14. That sin has no dominion over believers.
Romans 8 - Talks about the flesh and the sprit. Living by the Spirit is free from indwelling sin. Vs 6 talks about being spritually minded vs carnally minded and the rewards is Life & Peace. Vs 26 also talks about the spirit will help in our weakness.

Justification? Sanctifications? Living in Righteousness? Living a Holiness? Having a victorious life? Having Happy christian life? Being right with God? The answers are above.

So stop judging, stop condemnation, stop trying to be holy and to let the spirit takes control over the flesh, pursue Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour. For indeed He is worthy to be praised.

Shalom.

Mount Zion Vs Mount Senai who cares? I Do

Just thought i pen this down for the sake of doctrine. My pastor had been preaching about the differences of the two mountains. I do hope to do another Isreal trip with IZ and Cake, but it all lies in the hand of the Almighty. If my time is up then too bad!

Read Hebrews 12:18-22
Both mountains has it similarity. Both mountain experience Pentacost. But during Pentacost, both mountain experiences different outcome. For Mt. Senai, in Exodus 19:16-18. The jews stood at the foot of the mountain when they spoke of the works of man. God gave the law and 3000 people died. In Acts 2:1-2 for Mt. Zion. The jews went to the house on top of the mountain and went to the upper room of the house. They spoke of the works of God. 3000 men were blessed.

Doctrinally, the law kills but grace gives life. So love more and judge less. For Jesus did not come to save the righteous but to make the sinners righteous.

Peace.

Sin - Have we made too little of it?

Leviticus 5:14-16, 6:1-7

Is the book of Leviticus really so hard to read or just because one does not understand, we skip it? For many years, i read the first two books of the bible and just briefly read Leviticus. Oh how foolish one can get! All is not lose for the blind sees and the deaf hears in Christ Jesus. As we often hear preachers and pastor saying, what is the point if we claim to be Christian and yet we don't even open the bible. Sadly, opening the bible need not mean one really know who God is and the heart of God.

It might seem hard to shallow for anyone reading this blog. But the spirit of God impressed upon me to see that all man shall be charged 1st degree murder of innocent blood. The blood not just of man but of God. No matter how Holy one may feel, thinks, behaves, we are all murderers. Destined to hell. Of course for lawyers might say, the book of Leviticus is the law book for the Jews but not for other races and people of the world. I will not challenge their opinion but i can only says that if the tower of Babel means nothing, the creation of man means nothing, the jewish people means nothing, then peace be to you, we will see each other on different side. :)

Let me explain further,

The trepass offering mentioned in Leviticus 5 basically summaries the shadow of the work of Jesus on the Cross. How each different offerings are a type of Jesus. Ranging from the Bullock, the lamb, the pigeons and even the flour.

I would just like to highlight that the offerings are to be slaughtered by the offerer. But so what? One might asked. It means if Jesus is the lamb, the bullock or the pigeon, we are the one that put the knife through him. So one might argue since when did we kill Jesus?

If Jesus is the lamb of God, to die on the cross was his mission. His death of the cross was to fulfill the law and cleansed us from all sin. If the blood of bulls and goats can atone the sin for the entire nation of Isreal once a year then how much more precious is the blood of the lamb of God?

We know in the Gospel when Jesus was crucified, He mentioned "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they do." Luke 24:23:34. (This was before darkness came) When the darkness come for 3 hours which He did not address God as Father but God, "My God why have you forsaken me!"(SIN, your sin and mine put Him in that miserable place) -Mark 15:33-34, Luke 23:44-45, Just before He gave up his soul, He talks to God the Father again, "Father, into your hands I commit My Spirit." Luke 23:46. It is Finished! John19:30.

We loved because He first Loved Us. Not that we are good but He is good. To me Jesus had put his greatest ego on the cross for He is God and can chose not to love and fulfill the Father's will.

Shalom.

The Tan Family History

I was watching a sermon through Facebook video tagged by a friend. The preacher was talking about the book of Genesis. Which in Hebrew, means origin. The preacher mentioned that Satan hated two books in the bible, namely Genesis and Revelation. Reason being 1) Genesis mentioned about his origin and sin. And Revelation mention about his end. The preacher also mentioned that the book of Genesis is one of the most attacked book of the bible. Incidently, he mentioned that Moses the author of the Pentateuch (First 5 books of the bible) live through only 4 books but not Genesis. But how did he write Genesis. In ancient time, there was no writings and mostly the ancient manuscript are depicted by drawings. But in ancient times before pictorial manuscripts particularly, during Moses time, history are passed down through genealogy. Through the generation. Fathers to Fathers. So basically by words spoken, and Moses put into words. I was inspired to put down into words too on the stories that was passed down by my father.

My grandfather was from the south province of China namely Amoy or Xiamen in modern day. He used to be the only son of a business man. So being rich, the family sent him away to Singapore in the past to escape from being enlisted or drafted to war. My grandfather and grandma live through the war and they both got married in Singapore. The family was not christian then.
Grandpa was a smoker and was once very sick and cannot work. According to dad, grandma went to all the temples she knows to ask for talisman paper offered to gods and burn it for my grandpa to drink. Condition was very bad. At that point of time, they knew a preacher. She came to their home and prayed for grandpa for a few days. Grandpa felt a warm sensation on him coming from the preacher hand and he was miraculously healed and was able to work. That was when the whole family was converted. Dad also told me grandpa did shared to him about the story of the lost sheep from the bible. Grandpa used to participate in some play in kindergarten when he was young in China and how the Shepherd brought him back.
For Dad, his was medical condition with tuberculosis. He is a nurse looking after tuberculosis patients and in the end, he caught the condition. He overdosed the drug and was healed. I was in my mum's womb.
And now me. The ever proud and arrogant 3rd generation christian. Btw, God do not have grandchildren. Only sons and daughter. I escaped death when i was coming down the slope from Fort Siloso, Sentosa on a bicycle. I was worried about Nat and turn back to look at him. When i turn around, i was pressing on the handbrake for no reason and at that juncture, there was a taxi dashing out of the side road. I owe my life to Christ.
Faith is not going to stop at the 3rd Gen. as i promised to God that i will never give up my faith because he so love me. I promised that when i have children, they will too love the Lord with their own experience.

Wondered What Life is about?

I spent a good 5 days in Hong Kong on a business trip and I am back today Aug 26. Just before i flew to Hong Kong on Sunday, I had a good talk to Nat my brother on Saturday about life. We talk over 2 jugs of beer and chat about everything under the sun. Ranging from relationship, to hurts, to work, to football, to women, to children.....

Those 5 days when i was in Hong Kong, I spent a fair bit of time praying and of course working and visiting places of interest as well.

On Sunday, I went to Tsim Sa Tsui. (TST), I was sitting at the peer looking at the beautiful peer and lights of Hong Kong. Sitting there alone, looking at couples enjoying a romantic evening together, listening to canton jazz and enjoying the view. I starting wondering why am i sitting here alone. I prayed for God's purpose in my life. I wondered if i have to go through all these loneliness so i can appreciate and care for people? Who will ever want someone like me who has two young children? Who will be willing to sacrifice their time to look after them? On top of that who will love me?

As i spent time analysing people, I noticed many things. Eg. Man - Does not really involve in looking after their young children. Women - Looks after their little ones. Man rather stare into the blank air than get involve with the children. That only lead to one conclusion - Poor IZ and Cake because they lose their mom at such a young age. They are stuck with a father who is hardly home. Even though he tried to compensate on weekends, he just felt he has not done enough. Looking for a lady to love them poised a greater challenge. How would one be willing to love them like her own is really a big question as she did not give birth to them, on top of it she will need my time and understanding too. Haiz.

Nevertheless, the Sunday was interesting. Sitting near the Hong Kong Art Museum, listening to local band perform their chinese love songs just put a knife through my heart. Why have i become so emotional?

Tuesday 23rd Aug, about 5am, i woke up crying bucket in my bed. I dreamt of Amy, the similar dream that i had sometime ago which she was so close to me. Had a conversation with me, telling me that she is healed and how she missed me and love me asking me lets go home together. I replied " I miss you very very much dear." But her respond was but i am sorry, i have to go. The parting scene was miserable. Very miserable. I have not thought of Amy for a while now but somehow, whenever i thought about her, it just gives me the comfort, the assurance that even though she died I know that there was once a girl who truthly love, appreciate and understands me, hardly argue, repecting me and never blame me even when i ever did wrong. Indeed Love is acceptance, commitment together, repect for each other, never imposing on each other and of course the Love for God and knowing who God is. For it is God ordinance for the man to be the spiritual head and to lead the women.

I will refuse to let loneliness overcometh me.

Today, 26 Aug, i came home looking at facebook and saw a youtube video. Bon Jovi sang Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah. The beginning of the song talks about King David's Hallelujah which is broken after his fall with Bathsheba. Next the lyrics goes to describe Love which unites with God and a women a man loves and it is a full Hallelujah. It led me to think how a broken relationship can cause a broken Hallelujah. My conviction of wanting to see God's people praise our heavenly father has taken a beating. Have i been focusing too much on my own sadness and disappointments that now i sing a broken Hallelujah?

Indeed Man ultimate end is to glorify Jesus Christ my Lord. "For from Him and through Him and for Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen.

May Jesus restore upon me the full Hallelujah. :)

Looking back

Looking back in the month of July makes me see how time flies. Amy had gone on for 2 years already. Maybe it is just 2 mins in heaven. :) IZ will be entering primary one next year and how Kate had grown from a little princess who don't understand anything to someone who can hold a conversation.

Things have not change much except that I have been traveling much in Asia pacific. Just 8 months of work had seen me flew more than 15 trips. I have apologized to my dad for the rude things i have said one year ago. We all have been grieving from the head of the family down to the little ones. Jesus had been faithful and never abandon this household.

Yee Ma and Yee Chong had been concern about my love life. Asking me when i will start a new relationship? I replied when God provides.

It is so difficult to have a proper relationship, even though i lay my card on the table.

1) Single lady -> which single lady will want to date a widower who have not one but two children. She will lose her freedom, unless she really loves me. What happen if we do have our own love child? What will i do with IZ and Kate? How will they be emotionally?

Seems like this option is gone.

2) A widow -> She have a past. She have nice memory of her ex. Hard to give up on her past. She might have a child or two child of her own. Unlikely she will want me. Moreover how many young widows are there around, asking for opening in good Christian primary school also get turn down. So much for biblical teaching of love the widows for that is the true religion. Seems like this option is gone too.

3) Divorcees -> She might have a past, maybe also children, maybe got nice memory of ex but for certain reasons get divorce. Will her past come and haunt me? Stigma of divorcees are they are always problematic. Seems like this option is also gone.

Sometimes i wondered is it because of my own thinking and my own pride that prevent myself for moving forward but i think it will be difficult for the above 3 categories of people too if they allow people's opinion to affect them.

I think i will wait upon the Lord for whichever categories that He decides, maybe i will just have to able to be contented with being a single father for the rest of my life. :) But if it is the will of God then I shall accept it.

IZ and Kate, if you get a chance to read this, please do not blame God, Mummy or your life. This is papa life and i am not angry with God. :)